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Thursday, October 23, 2014

These People Have No Souls

Jesus fucking Christ, are there really such people in our world?

I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?

Not big fans of souling, I see.  Nor wassailiing, I'd guess.  Selfish assholes.


October 23, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Saturday, October 18, 2014

Firewalls And Ebola

Saw somebody on FB say he didn't care how a travel ban would negatively impact countries where Ebola is at crisis levels.  Must hate fire departments putting out blazes in his community's' homes, because it's not like that shit could spread, and fuck those people for not having fireproof houses, anyway.


October 18, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Mighty White Of Them

I can't even:

On Monday night, mostly white St. Louis Cardinals fans clashed with a group of mostly black protesters peacefully demanding justice for slain teenager Michael Brown...
[A] woman shouts, “We’re the ones who gave all y’all the freedoms that you have!” 

And if you don't appreciate us for all that, our white freedom protectors will fucking shoot you.


October 7, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Monday, August 25, 2014

Why Not Wrap It In Bacon?

Oh, Lord:

Sneakers Bistro, a Winooski breakfast hot-spot, is one of several  businesses that has voluntarily maintained a small garden on a plot of publicly owned land to help beautify the city. As part of “Operation Bloom,” participating businesses are allowed to post a small advertising sign in their garden. Sneakers decided to have fun with its sign at the bottom of the Winooski traffic circle. 

“Yield for Sneakers Bacon,” it read.

Not everyone got the joke. 

Last week, a Winooski woman who identified herself as a “vegan and member of a Muslim household,” posted a notice to Front Porch Forum, saying of the bacon sign: “Its insensitive and offensive to those who do not consume pork.” 

Citing Winooski’s demographic diversity — 31 languages are spoken in the local K-12 school — she requested that it come down.
Last Friday, Sneakers owner Marc Dysinger  announced that the bacon sign would come down, saying he didn’t want to offend anyone.

“We regret any harm or damage caused & the sign has been removed,” Dysinger wrote on the Front Porch Forum. “Our goal is to bring joy to Winooski as a community gathering place — never a source of stress or drama. We always appreciate any advice or input to help us achieve that goal. Thank you neighbors!”

Good on Sneakers--one of my favorite brunch sites ever--for making a community-oriented business decision.  But are you really fucking kidding me?  I have a hard time with this complaint, as though dietary choices are on the same plane as, dunno...racism or LGBT-phobia.  

Don't fucking eat God's most perfect food, I could give a roasted rat's ass.  Not sure how you can be offended by somebody else's sign advertising their culinary offerings.


PS--This story only really caught my interest because in Southern VT off Route 100 we saw a sign for a smoked meats biz that said, "WHY NOT WRAP IT IN BACON?"  And really, why not?

August 25, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Friday, August 22, 2014

Judgers Gonna Judge Redux

I guess every once in a while we need to be reminded, there are stuck up sticky beak assholes on the Internet who feel compelled to police parents' photos.  They can fuck right the hell off.


August 22, 2014 in And Fuck..., Family Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Friday, August 15, 2014

And Never, Ever Squeeze The Fucking Charmin

Fuck this shit:

A South Carolina mother was arrested this weekend after she allegedly used profanity in front of her kids. Because a child hearing the F-bomb is definitely more traumatizing than watching her mother get handcuffed in the middle of a supermarket.

According to a report from local news station WJBF, a fellow shopper at a the grocery store overheard Danielle Wolf use the cuss while apparently instructing her children or husband to stop “squishing the bread,” and confronted her about it. The woman then reported Wolf to an official from the North Augusta Department of Public Safety. Wolf was then arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

“He was like, ‘You’re under arrest’ … right in front of kids, in front of my husband, in front of customers,” Wolf told WJBF.

At this point, I apparently am lucky I'm not in jail for fucking life.  Fuck all the busy bodies and stuck up sticky beaks.


August 15, 2014 in And Fuck..., Family Life | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

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Tuesday, August 05, 2014

What Does It All Mean?

Well now:

Okay, this is the lowest new low that NOM has ever reached in their logic against marriage equality yet. In short, they are claiming that same-sex marriage should be illegal because not all chairs are exactly the same. That statement does not exaggerate or misrepresent, I promise you.

Cue Brian Brown:

Dear Marriage Supporter,

Definitions are important. They are the means by which we can reason together and communicate ideas intelligibly. Without definitions, social organization becomes impossible.

The great English writer and Christian polemicist G.K. Chesterton illustrated this principle very clearly in his book Orthodoxy, by taking to task his friend, H.G. Wells, for a particular phrase that Chesterton called "not merely a misstatement, but a contradiction in terms."

Wells had said once that, "All chairs are quite different." And Chesterton, with his characteristic wit and his common-sense, pointed out the obvious problem with that assertion: "If all chairs were quite different, you could not call them 'all chairs.'"

A similar descent into meaninglessness has been the hallmark of the push to redefine marriage.

Uhhh, what? WHAT? Are you f*****g serious? I always knew you guys were stupid, but that stupid? Really? Not all chairs have the exact same characteristics, so same-sex marriage shouldn't be legal?

They're trying to draw parallels to the different chairs to the different marriages. But I am just blown away by their assertion that if two things are not exactly the same in every single regard, detail and characteristic, then they cannot have the same name. Let's extrapolate their logic to some other things.

An important concept Wittgenstein discusses in Investigations is that of "family resemblances":

Consider for example the proceedings that we call "games". I mean board-games, card-games, ball-games, Olympic games, and so on. What is common to them all?
[T]he result of this examination is: we see a complicated network of similarities overlapping and criss-crossing: sometimes overall similarities.

And what you'll find, I think, if you go through a careful study of these various types of games, is that there are similarities and differences. Poker is like chess in certain ways. They both have clear rules and the winner is likely to have practice and skill. But they are different in some ways, too, and if you look at how they are different, you'll find other games that are not different in these ways, but different in other ways.

I can think of no better expression to characterize these similarities than "family resemblances"; for the various resemblances between members of a family: build, features, colour of eyes, gait, temperament, etc. etc. overlap and criss-cross in the same way.-And I shall say: 'games' form a family.

Marriage is like games and chairs: they take many forms and still be recognizable as games and chairs, so too can marriage.

Wittgenstein sums it up for me in Aphorism #43:

[T]he meaning of a word is its use in the language. And the meaning of a name is sometimes explained by pointing to its bearer.

By that I mean, "fuck NOM."


August 5, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Monday, July 28, 2014

There's More To The Constitution Than The Tenth

Senate candidates should know more about how federalism actually works:

"You know we have talked about this at the state legislature before, nullification. But, bottom line is, as U.S. Senator, why should we pass laws that the states are considering nullifying? Bottom line: our legislators at the federal level should not be passing those laws," Ernst said. "We're right…we've gone 200-plus years of federal legislators going against the Tenth Amendment's states' rights. We are way overstepping bounds as federal legislators. So, bottom line, no we should not be passing laws as federal legislators —as senators or congressmen— that the states would even consider nullifying. Bottom line."

Of course, as the Daily Beast pointed out, states can't nullify federal laws.

Yeah, nullification is a dead letter, and if we've gone 200-plus years of something, generally the presumption leans toward constitutionality.  Fucking idiot.


July 28, 2014 in And Fuck..., Constitution, Schmonstitution | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Sunday, July 27, 2014

Luddites Shouldn't Whine Online

"Data! Data! Data!" he cried impatiently. "I can't make bricks without clay."

-The Adventure of the Copper Beeches

Did you actually ever read the stories?

Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock Holmes uses a smartphone just as you would expect a genius detective to, with the entire Internet at his disposal to assist in the deductive process. It’s clever, but it always seemed like cheating. Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock didn’t need no stinkin’ smartphone! A few puffs on his pipe was all that was necessary!

Actually, Holmes did use the Victorian equivalent of a smart phone: telegrams.  Not to mention newspapers, railroad time tables, etc.  Why?  Because he needed all available information to cogitate whilst puffing his pipe.

Fucking idiot.


July 27, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Thursday, July 24, 2014

PETA Could Give A Shit About Humans


PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, announced in a blog post on Thursday that it will offer financial assistance to 10 families who can’t afford their water bills — if the families go vegan, that is.

“[W]ith the help of a generous PETA member, we have come up with one small way to assist Detroit residents and save animals, too,” PETA writes in its post. “Thanks to this donor, PETA will be able to pay off the water bills for 10 families who commit to going vegan for one month. We’ll also help them get started by giving each family a basket of healthy vegan foods and recipes.”

The group asks people who are interested to take photos of their overdue bills and send them in along with a pledge to go vegan. It gives no indication of what it would do should someone accept the funding and then immediately start eating meat again.

Go fuck yourselves, you grandstanding, unethical assholes.

*munches on pork tenderloin with extra spite*


July 24, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

July Crisis

One hundred years ago, Serbia received an ultimatum in the wake of Archduke Franz Ferdinand's assassination.  Two days later they would ultimately agree to essentially everything except a provision allowing Austria police to be involved in their official investigation of the incident.

British Prime Minister, Sir Herbert Asquith, wrote to his confidante, Venetia Stanley:

Austria has sent a bullying and humiliating ultimatum to Serbia, who cannot possibly comply with it, and demanded an answer within 48 hours - failing which she will march. This means, almost inevitably, that Russia will come to the scene in defence of Serbia and in defiance of Austria, and if so, it is difficult for Germany and France to refrain from lending a hand to one side or the other. So that we are in measurable, or imaginable, distance of a real Armageddon. Happily, there seems to be no reason why we should be anything more than spectators.


Anyway, I've been thinking of this a lot lately when I hear McCain and Graham and others whine about "doing something" after MH17.  Fucking idiots.


July 23, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

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Friday, July 18, 2014

At Least He Didn't Make A Lidice Joke

Jesus fuck, this is more assholish than usual:

“Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u,” Maher posted. “u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her.”

Genocide and misogyny all in one tweet.  Well played.


July 18, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Sunday, July 06, 2014

The Framers Never, Ever Wanted To Promote Commerce, Either

The Congress shall have Power...To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes.

 - Some Document, Article I, Section 8, Clause 3


The idea that the government should not promote commerce is novel, but it has support on both the right and the left. That doesn't mean it is wise.

How did America become powerful?  By promoting commerce, per the Constitution, you fucking gits--ain't a mandate per se, but the power wasn't granted idly.  Seriously, didn't any of these people go to Sunday School?*


* Name the movie.

July 6, 2014 in And Fuck..., Constitution, Schmonstitution | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Who Owns Hobby Lobby?

The Decision, I mean.  Clearly: Hillary Clinton!

No, seriously...


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Friday, June 20, 2014

A Choctaw's Vagina

I ask you in the name of justice, for repose for myself and for my injured people. Let us alone — we will not harm you, we want rest.

 - Choctaw Chief George W. Harkins, Letter to the American People (February 25, 1832)

The only good meme is a dead meme:

Yes, these things provide blogfodder, and I'm revisiting the past.

Dog knows when I read foreign-derived words, immediately the English translation comes to mind.  Just like 'Hawaii' always makes me think 'homeland' and the DHS, when I see the word 'Oklahoma' it is exactly as offensive as 'Redskin'.  And really, when I'm checking out the latest science on quantum singularities, I can't help but think Stephen Hawking is a bad man because, obviously, they're black holes...BLACK holes, see, which is totes racist (even though, or precisely because, he now says they don't exist).

Anyway, folks might want to consider the history of Oklahoma before they post clever images and whatnot.  The state was originally designated Indian Territory, and was the terminus of the Choctaw Trail of Tears.  So when a name was proposed by Reverend Allen Wright, himself a Choctaw, in 1866, it was a natural appellation using his people's language for what was to be their land.

Since then, of course, white Americans appropriated more and more Choctaw territory, and even their language.  But the point is that NDNs applied the label themselves, clearly not as a slur (compare to the team name's real origins, and recall that meanings evolve).  It's the height of privilege to suggest OK's name should be changed because another chosen by a white dude is truly offensive to a good number of people.  But hey, if there's a Choctaw movement to rename the state, i would wholly support it.  Wake me when that happens.

As I've observed before, other teams have changed their names, even without geographic relocation or popular pressure.  So why not?  Make the old Redskins merch valuable for its historic nature.  Have stories to tell your grandkids.  All while doing the right thing.

And being the constructive guy I am, here are some new name suggestions (just as I did with my beloved Tribe):

  • the Washington Senators (old baseball name no longer in use);
  • the Washington FedExers (adopt the name of their Landover, MD, stadium's corporate sponsors);
  • the Washington Federals (nearby DC is the seat of Federal power); 
  • the Washington Rebels (a nod to the Spirit of '76 and the Secesh);
  • the Washington Liberty (a singular name ala the Stanford Cardinal, also changed from an NDN mascot);
  • the Washington Union (another singular name that banishes the Secesh and unifies us all in the spirit of football);
  • the Mount Vernon Washingtonians (maybe switch things around, George's home ain't too far from Landover anyway so why the fuck not?).

Really, it's sports.  In the era of free agency, where loyalty isn't to a team, but a brand marketed like Cheetohs.  No need to be dicks about it.

So I leave you with The Onion:

Denying widespread claims that the franchise is being offensive or disrespectful, the Washington Redskins’ kike owner announced Monday that he remains steadfast in his refusal to change the team’s derogatory name. “The Redskins represent 81 years of great history and tradition, and it’s a source of pride for our fans,” said the hook-nosed kike, stressing that the team’s insulting moniker is “absolutely not a racial slur by any means.” “‘Washington Redskins’ is much more than just a name. It stands for strength, courage, and respect—the very values that are so intrinsic to Native American culture.” The shifty-eyed hebe went on to assure fans that he will do “everything in his power” to preserve the team’s proud heritage.

You know, with all due respect...


Contribute to the Eleventh Blegiversary *

June 20, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

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Thursday, June 19, 2014

Pay Up, Bitches!

This is pretty awesome:

The Dallas Morning News reported that commissioners [on the Dallas County Commissioners Court] thought they were honoring an annual holiday when they voted unanimously for the “Juneteenth Resolution” sponsored by Dallas County’s only black commissioner, John Wiley Price.

Price even read the text of the resolution, which covered broad topics like slavery and Jim Crow. Many of the commissioners seemed uninterested, playing with their computers or reading documents while he read so they did not seem to notice the final sentence.

“The United States of America is derelict in its promise of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness to the African American people,” Price said. “Be it further resolved that the dereliction that has caused 400 years of significant… suffering to the descendants of those who have been enslaved Africans who built this country, should be satisfied with monetary and substantial reparations to same.”

A commissioner quickly seconded the motion, and it passed unanimously.
“I do not support reparations, and I do not support one of the statements he made, which was that the United States was derelict in his promise to African Americans,” Cantrell told the Dallas Observer. “I think Commissioner Price went too far, and I can’t support that.”

“I had no opportunity to review it, to see what was in the resolution,” he added. “As Commissioner Price was reading this I was trying to find a copy because it sounded like he was going way over what he typically does.”

I understand why they might not support reparations and be pissed at Commissioner Price, but why the fuck would you vote on something you allegedly had no time to review?  It's not like this was even some behemoth like USA PATRIOT.  

They'd better read any payment orders closely next time before signing (something we do at our regular Selectboard meetings).

Incompetent fucking idiots.


Contribute to the Eleventh Blegiversary *

June 19, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Friday, June 06, 2014

Now I Feel Like Old B.O.B.


Turns out, Neil deGrasse Tyson hates another science-based movie more than "Gravity." TMZ caught up with the "Cosmos" host and asked him which space movie is the most scientifically inaccurate. After calling the gossip site "the dark energy permeating the vacuum of space wherever you look," he awarded the title to the original Disney movie "The Black Hole."

Tyson is known for his obsession with perfection when it comes to space in movies (James Cameron altered the skyscape in "Titanic" at the astrophysicist's request), and he called the "The Black Hole" "embarrassing" before going on a rant about all the flubs and liberties Disney took in making the 1979 hit.

"They not only got none of the physics right about falling into a black hole, had they gotten it right it would have been a vastly more interesting movie," he told the TMZ cameraman. C

Okay, yeah, it was a shitty movie.


June 6, 2014 in And Fuck..., Mars, Bitches! | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

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War Is Matrimonial Bloody Hell

Here's some Paul Fucking Fussell:

The use of fucking as the adjective and fucker as the noun of all work was so common among British troops that it was noticed in an oficial War Office pamphlet of October, 1941, issued not to reprehend the usage but simply to warn against careless identification of strangers. In North Africa a German spy dressed in British uniform had succeeded in deceiving a British unit because he spoke impeccable Other Ranks English. The War Office pamphlet warned: “lt should . . . be impressed on all ranks that the use in conversation of ‘f--—-s’ and ‘b----s’ is not necessarily a guarantee of British nationality.”

Now and then even the troops wearied of fucking and tried substituting equivalents like conjugal or matrimonial, as in “Where's the conjugal NAAFI in this camp?” or “What the matrimonial bloody hell do you think you're doing?” Fucking was so common and boring by the time of the Vietnam War that the Americans merely alluded to it and accommodated it to the more modern abbreviation habit. Thus a new arrival was a FNG or Fucking New Guy, and, as an army nurse remembers, a little rubber boat used for frolics while swimming was a LFRB, short for Little Fucking Rubber Boat.

After several years of fucking, one did not have to be a puritan to find it tedious. On Guadalcanal, Sherwood F. Moran, a Japanese language expert, said wearily to one marine, "Yes, I know, you saw the fucking Jap coming up the fucking hill and raised your fucking rifle and shot himbetween the fucking eyes.”

Ernie Pyle is also reputed to have had enough, even if his remonstrance took ironic form. “I am sick and tired of that word --,” he once said. “If I ever hear the ---- word again I'm going to throw up.”

But the use of the term could never be curbed because it was so essential to military meaning:

Once, on a misty Soottish airfield, an airman was changing the magneto on the engine of a Wellington bomber. Suddenly his wrench slipped and he flung it on the grass and snarled, “Fuck! the fucking fucker’s fucked.” The bystanders were all quite well aware that he had stripped a bolt and skinned his knuckles.”

Apropos of Pierce on Pyle (via RMJ).


June 6, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

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Thursday, June 05, 2014

Talking Shit

Well, okay then:

Vice magazine co-founder Gavin McInnes ripped Cosmos host Neil deGrasse Tyson during a Fox News appearance on Tuesday night, saying racial profiling against him during his youth was justified and knocking him for having white fans.

“I hate this guy,” McInnes told host Greg Gutfeld and his panel. “I remember hearing Chris Hardwick on a podcast talk about Neil deGrasse Tyson and he was just salivating. White liberal nerds love this guy so much, he could defecate on them like Martin Bashir’s fantasies and they would dance in the streets.”
“He talks about things like, ‘when I was young in New York I would get racially profiled when I’d go into stores,’” McInnes complained. “Back then he looked like he was in The Warriors. He had a huge afro and a cutoff shirt and New York was a war zone. Sorry, you fit the profile.”

For the record, I love popularizers of science but I wouldn't even let Saint Sagan shit on me.  Dude, they're smart and they're entertainers--lighten the fuck up.


June 5, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

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Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Prisoner Of Orwell

Yeah, pretty much:

Remember when we invaded Iraq, in large part, because "Saddam Hussein is a torturer"? Torture was a bad thing! And then George W. Bush tortured and it suddenly became okay. Worse than okay. It was desirable.

It feels like deja vu, seeing our nation's blood-thirsty population of chickenhawks zero in on a new target—the deal bringing American servicemember and Taliban captive Bowe Bergdahl home. In their minds, this is worse than Hitler because either Bergdahl was a deserter or because he wasn't worth five Taliban officials or a combination of the two.

Yet our nation has always subscribed to "leave no one behind," whether alive or dead. It is a foundational principle for those of us who have served—we will lay everything on the line, including our lives, and in return America will make sure, no matter what, that we get to return home. It is sacrosanct. As the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the top military officer in the land, said,

Questions about this particular soldier's conduct are separate from our effort to recover ANY U.S. service member in enemy captivity.

The military will investigate the circumstances surrounding his capture. The Taliban says he was drunk. His platoon mates say he deserted. Bergdahl says he was captured when he lagged behind on patrol. Investigate that all you want. If he acted negligently or maliciously, then he should be dealt with appropriately. But under no circumstances do we leave our own behind. Period.

Court martial his ass if he deserves it.  But don't leave any American behind, you fucking anti-American fucks.


June 3, 2014 in And Fuck... | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack