It's Not A Clown Car

Story time!  As told to me by NTodd's Pa's Wife.

When I was an ntoddler, NTodd's Pa's Wife's Ma was carrying me in a grocery store.  At some point I apparently became uncomfortable with the situation and when squirming didn't rectify matters, I screamed out, "Grandma, stop squeezing my penis!"  Dead silence in the fruit and veggie aisle, with said grandparent turning several shades of red.

So my folks taught me the correct words for things, including naughty bits.  We've vowed to do the same with Sam, despite Oprah's desire to have us point, giggle and use words like 'vajayjay' and 'dingding.'  Words that are banned in this house forever.  As Hecate--whose G/Son used to sing about his 'booful penis'--always says, Americans need to grow the fuck up about sex.

That said, we had to point and giggle a little bit yesterday when we got Ericka's discharge instructions.  Modified bedrest, don't lift anything over 10lbs, and our favorite:

Nothing in vagina until after delivery.

How convenient after all the prodding and probing of her vagina by several people in blue scrubs on Sunday.  Of course we'd expected such a ban, albeit maybe not written in so oblique a manner.  Then the nurse proceeded to explain what it meant--NO INTERCOURSE--and we laughed, saying we'd already broken the code.

I have no idea where we're going to store all of the baby things people are sending us now, though...

ntodd