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Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Long Walk
Taking Rin Tin to the vet in just a few minutes. He's deteriorated quite rapidly the last several days, so I'm going to discuss options with the doctors and make some decisions. I've girded myself for the likelihood that I will be coming home alone.
ntodd
[Update: well, we're back down to 5. The vet and I talked about what we could do and in the end she supported the notion that Rin Tin's body just wasn't up to the demands any more. He was an earnest, sweet dog and he wasn't going to enjoy a good quality of life being immobile.
Amazing how choked up I got at the end and how much I cried on the way home given I barely knew the guy and actively tried not to get too attached. But he was such a good boy, so how could I not? He fit right in with the Pack, got into the groove of our routines and was so eager to be out and about with his buddies.
Of course I feel guilty, despite assurances that this was the right decision, because I do have a sense of relief. Rin definitely taxed my physical, emotional and monetary resources, and that burden has been lifted. Would I have made a different decision if he'd been my dog for 10 years? I'd like to think not: I'd have cared for him better over the last couple years than he was and would have known I'd done all I could, and now his joints and nerves were just done.
The last several days, and the last couple in particular, were dramatic in the downturn. He went from being able to navigate the steps in and out of the house and walk on the wood floors to not being able to even get up from carpeting. I effectively carried him around since Tuesday night. I don't think it's anthropomorphizing to say he was frustrated by the state of affairs.
And now, even though I don't really believe in it, I like to imagine he's finally without pain, running with the 2 siblings he lost in the 2004 fire, as well as with NTodd's Pa's Baby Bro. Maybe Saffron, too.]
January 17, 2008 | Permalink
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Comments
Oh, I'm very sorry. Good luck.
Posted by: eRobin | Jan 17, 2008 10:59:55 AM
Here's to hoping it doesn't come to that.
But if what you fear is to pass, then you should rest a little bit easier knowing that you filled the end of his life with love and affection.
He is a luckier dog for having known you and the pack.
Rest well, Rin.
Posted by: watertiger | Jan 17, 2008 11:04:52 AM
He knows you walk with him in peace.
Namasté.
Posted by: whaleshaman | Jan 17, 2008 11:11:26 AM
It is a brighter life for him because of you.
Peace.
Posted by: mnkid | Jan 17, 2008 12:31:17 PM
I'm so sorry NTodd, and thankful Rin is in your care. If he must go over that Rainbow Bridge, give him our best and hugs from all of us.
Posted by: Lesley | Jan 17, 2008 12:44:26 PM
my heart goes out to you. i think you made the right decision. i'm not sure what i believe, but like you, i like to imagine. and the pain isn't that surprising considering the fact that one loss sometimes brings up others. words don't help the pain so much as time. you already know this, but a lot of people probably went right back to losing one of theirs after reading this. take care.
Posted by: r@d@r | Jan 17, 2008 12:53:09 PM
You did the right thing, ami.
His quality of life was what's important.
[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]
Posted by: watertiger | Jan 17, 2008 1:00:15 PM
Here's a big {{{{hug}}}}}}...sorry for you, but you did the right thing.
Posted by: Missouri Bird | Jan 17, 2008 1:01:35 PM
Sorry to hear the news about Rin Tin. I've had to do the same thing so I know how painful it can be. He was lucky to have someone who will remember him.
Posted by: Toucari | Jan 17, 2008 1:08:21 PM
Hugs, NTodd. May your buddies help you feel better.
Posted by: pie | Jan 17, 2008 1:08:23 PM
Many condolences - I know how much it hurts, NTodd.
Posted by: sdf (Stu) | Jan 17, 2008 1:09:43 PM
You absolutely did the right thing. It's a terrible feeling, isn't it, to have to make that decision with a creature who trusts you so much, who can't understand what will happen.
May we all have such kind people watching out for us when it's our time to go. You are a good soul for taking him in and giving him those last days of happiness.
Posted by: Marcellina | Jan 17, 2008 1:13:14 PM
Been there, done that. It's never easy.
But you did do the right thing, and you did do right by him.
Posted by: Chris Tucker | Jan 17, 2008 1:13:26 PM
Ah, NTodd, I'm so sorry. But one thing is true: you made his final days blessed and joyful. He knows that, and now, he's crossing the Rainbow Bridge and seeing his friends, until his beloved humans meet him. I daresay The Lady Gretchen will be delighted to see him.
Peace.
Posted by: Sallyh | Jan 17, 2008 1:22:12 PM
that trip to the vet is a tough one, ntodd. sympathy from a dog lover and gratitude for sharing the awesome photos of the mighty rin.
Posted by: notaboomer | Jan 17, 2008 1:22:54 PM
My wife and I inherited an 10 year old dog a few years back from my wife's ex MIL who was in hospice. The dog started having problems breathing about this time last year. I wish I had taken her to the vets. I foolishly thought she was going to get better. She died on the foot of our bed while I was sitting next to her. I too was surprised how attached I got to a dog that I knew I wouldn't have for very long. Its very sad to witness the passing of a sweet, innocent being. My condolences.
Posted by: AvoidingWork | Jan 17, 2008 1:26:00 PM
NTodd-
It's never easy, is it. We had to put down a puppy back in September - parvo-that-wasn't-parvo - IV drips for three days (driving from MS to NY) then rallied on the fourth day, crashed on the fifth. Now I'm getting weepy again over a pup I knew for a week... give the rest of the pack extra hugs, and, of course, cookies.
G<
PS - his bro and sis never got sick, and are now big goofy, really smart six-month yellow labs.
Posted by: minusp | Jan 17, 2008 1:36:56 PM
Condolances. June of 06 my 14 year old Lhasa Opsos experienced renal failue. One of the harder decisions I have had to make in my 69 years.
Posted by: apres moi | Jan 17, 2008 1:37:12 PM
Condolances. June of 06 my 14 year old Lhasa Opsos experienced renal failue. One of the harder decisions I have had to make in my 69 years.
Posted by: apres moi | Jan 17, 2008 1:37:15 PM
You did the right thing for the right reasons. God bless, and take comfort in your other pups. It is ok to be sad, but try not to feel guilt, you are good human.
Posted by: Iwonder | Jan 17, 2008 1:41:10 PM
NTodd, I just read of your loss. Please acccept my sincere condolences. I know how gut wrenching it is to put a "nice guy" down...your tears were not shed in vain.
Peace and comfort to you, and blessings to you and "The Pack."
Love,
Vicki, Who hearts NTodd
Posted by: Vicki | Jan 17, 2008 2:17:53 PM
chris wrote that it's never easy. over the years, i've found...it never gets easier.
nor should it.
good on you for crying, it proves you're a mensch and a good friend to animals.
Posted by: whaleshaman | Jan 17, 2008 2:35:56 PM
Mad condolences, brah. It sucks, but do take comfort in the fact that you were in his life during a very special time and sent him off with nothing but loving concern. A short time well spent.
You're still my fuckin' hero.
Posted by: munkihaid | Jan 17, 2008 2:44:34 PM
He is running across the green field by the river just as I write this, all young and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The goddess of dogs sits under the large oak tree, with treats and tennis balls in her wide lap and all the other dogs run to meet him for a good butt-sniffing. Then the chase starts.
Love,
Beamer
Posted by: Echidne | Jan 17, 2008 3:03:23 PM
You're a really good person. You did what you could for him, and his last days were peaceful and in the company of friends. What more can anyone do?
And if you need someone to poop on your floors, we could lend you SP.
Posted by: Molly Ivors | Jan 17, 2008 3:07:59 PM
How very sad, NTodd; my heart goes out to you. Every one of us who loves animals goes through this at some time or other, but it never gets any easier. What you gave Rin in his last days is priceless; we can all only hope that we are as well cared for when our time comes. NTodd, you are a good soul. (Of course we already knew that.) You and the pack and the pack-passed-on will be in my thoughts. I wish all of you peace.
Posted by: Steve Bates | Jan 17, 2008 3:26:42 PM
Prayers and warm paws from the Lab Kat family.
Posted by: Lab Kat | Jan 17, 2008 3:45:42 PM
Dogs have nine lives, too.
Posted by: Danton | Jan 17, 2008 3:46:09 PM
Oh, Todd, Goddess guard you; you've been having a rough time. I'm sure that noble animal knew that you acted from love. Now, take care of yourself.
Posted by: Hecate, Runnymead Conspirator | Jan 17, 2008 5:20:38 PM
I'm so glad you have your pack to care for you. You did the right thing for Rin - doesn't make it any easier. You gave him wonderful care and love.
Posted by: nancy | Jan 17, 2008 5:58:39 PM
Hey, NToddler: My wonderful dog Carlotta was a Shepherd Borzoi mix. She developed such bad displasia that she could not get up to go take care of business. She was extremely embarrased and finally looked up at me with such beseeching eyes that I took her to the vet. We all, vet Carlotta and me agreed that this was the only way forward. I lost my mother earlier that year and this was almost as hard as that. Count yourself lucky that you had the time with Rin! Dogs are like that.
Peace
Posted by: HinTN | Jan 17, 2008 6:50:32 PM
God, this is so sad. While you were able to share time with Rin, he was allowed to spend his last days in a loving environment. Peaceful thoughts for the both of you. The pack is lucky to have a funloving caretaker who is also responsible and thoughtful. Peace to Rin.
Posted by: camelot | Jan 17, 2008 7:08:14 PM
I liked him, just from the pictures of him. I'll miss him, and thanks for thinking of him in all the right ways.
Posted by: Scott | Jan 17, 2008 7:20:10 PM
You're a damned good man, NTodd. You did everything that you could for the poor old fella. I truly, truly admire you for your care of him.
Mercy is hard, sometimes, but you know that he's playfully chasing Saffron in that great meadow in the sky. He got to enjoy some good times with a great pack of kidz for a little while, and from the pictures, he obviously enjoyed himself.
The very, very best to you, my friend. I'm tearing up for you, and need to sign off.
Peace. Always.
--mf
Posted by: Monkeyfister | Jan 17, 2008 7:29:29 PM
You took a homelss and elderly dog into your heart and when it was time you made the hard (and correct) decision. He had some good days with you and the pack and you relieved him of the burden of his pain. You gave him all the best.
Wishing you sweet and peaceful karma.
Posted by: cher | Jan 17, 2008 8:44:36 PM
oh, I'm so sorry, N. We all know this is one of the worst things an animal lover has to do. Many of us have walked that very same sad trail. It's awful. But old Rin had some days of sweet attention, and with other animal pals at his side.
Posted by: lea-p | Jan 17, 2008 8:49:08 PM
Dude... I am so sorry to hear that. Take solace in the fact that you made his final years better.
Posted by: JD Ryan | Jan 17, 2008 9:08:46 PM
It is so hard not to feel guilty even when the answer is obvious (as with the case with Rin Tin) - don't do that to yourself. You did the right thing. Remember that the animals don't know why they keep having to be poked and prodded and dragged to the vet - all they know is the pain. You did the best thing for him despite being the hardest thing for you.
He is in a good place now if there is one.
Posted by: Jill | Jan 17, 2008 9:38:30 PM
Oh, what a shame, and sorry you had to go through that. I was surpised when he first seemed to adapt so quickly after losing his person, but maybe it was all too much for him. I'm sure you and the boyz did their best.
Posted by: Karin | Jan 17, 2008 10:06:55 PM
Oh, NTodd, big warm, friendly, sob-absorbing hugs!!! I second everyone's sentiments above! My GrisGris and Amelie send their condolences, too! Rin is cavorting w/my folks' GusGus (passed in August) and my old Basset Hound that I still dearly miss.
You are a very wonderful person to open your heart and home to the fab pack of non-human companions!!!
And I read your post and started sobbing, myself - and I only ever saw a few pics of his patrician bearing on here. But we all know the pain and we are all here for you!
Blessings and hugs,
Elspeth
Posted by: Elspeth R | Jan 17, 2008 10:39:53 PM
Good people always feel guilt (like this). You made the right decision. You were there for him through the hardest time. You sweetened his life, made the physical hardships bearable. You made him smile. We should all have such friends.
I'll tell you one thing, NTodd. When you reach that rainbow bridge it's going to be crowded.
This video is for you.
Posted by: Lesley | Jan 17, 2008 10:41:52 PM
*HUGS* to NTodd and the Pack! Our pets let us know when they've reached the end of their tether; it's up to us humans to be strong enough to take the message and do right by the animal. You did what was necessary and you are an angel for it.
Before that you gave Rin the greatest gifts -- a loving home when he was grieving for his Daddy, tender care in an accepting family, and several wonderful romps in the snow. I'm sure his heart thrilled with the chance to run with a happy pack one more time.
He was a beautiful boy and we will all miss him. God Bless You NTodd.
Posted by: terrierluv | Jan 17, 2008 11:11:40 PM
NTodd -
You gave him a great home even if could only be just for a short time. It looks like he had some good times with sympathetic dogz & catz at the very end. Hope I do as well as thst!
Posted by: gbbalto | Jan 17, 2008 11:24:50 PM
I'm sorry, NTodd. Please don't let your sadness erase what an amazing gift you gave to Rin Tin. You were there to love him at his end of life and he went, loved and with new friends. What a loving and wonderful thing you did for the good doggie. What a loving and wonderful thing you did for your family as well.
And you've taught all of us more about running a Pack than anyone I know.
Posted by: ellroon | Jan 17, 2008 11:34:21 PM
NTodd - When it comes to the point that they can't pick themselves up and you have to carry them, I think you know what's the right decision. So sorry for your loss. Your generous heart and spirit are an inspiration. So glad you have the rest of the pack to comfort you.
Take care of yourself!
Posted by: Sandy-LA 90034 | Jan 18, 2008 2:41:51 AM
A hug from me too.
Posted by: racymind | Jan 18, 2008 5:41:28 AM
My hugs as well.
Peace be with you both.
Posted by: Mustang Bobby | Jan 18, 2008 6:19:41 AM
That is so hard. I had to do the same thing for similar reasons a little over 7 years ago and the tears are still right at the surface. Talk to the pack about it...that will help a little.
Posted by: M.K. | Jan 18, 2008 7:02:48 AM
OK, I cried.
Best to you and the crew...it's nice to see someone work this out in a respectful manner to our furry friends.
I will miss the Rin photos but know he is in a much happier place and that you are indeed a good soul, NTodd for giving him a fantastic send-off in his final days.
Posted by: myrna frap | Jan 18, 2008 9:04:55 AM
I'm very sorry to hear this. So sad.
Posted by: skiddie | Jan 18, 2008 9:05:15 AM
so sorry, NTodd. sending hugs.
Posted by: zoe | Jan 18, 2008 10:22:29 AM
Oh, what sad news. You did make his last weeks really grand, though. The pictures of him and the pack were wonderful and he seemed to be enjoying himself. You are a good man, sir. It is never easy and we get so attached to our furry families.
Posted by: The Culture Ghost | Jan 18, 2008 11:13:48 AM
You can feel good knowing that you gave him love and affection for his last days and let him go with dignity. It is a tough decision but sometimes it is necessary to relieve the suffering.
Peace
Posted by: fallenmonk | Jan 18, 2008 11:14:28 AM
Pax vobiscum (I include the rest of the Pack, natch).
Posted by: Michael | Jan 18, 2008 12:22:22 PM
Condolences and warm thoughts from Florida.
Painful though it was, you and Rin both may be comforted that you did the right thing. Extra special hugs and scritches to the rest of the Pack.
Posted by: Sinfonian | Jan 18, 2008 1:03:25 PM
Awww, buddy, I'm sorry.
You did do the right thing. It's the hardest thing for us personally, but the most loving thing you can do for them when they're deteriorating like that.
Take comfort for the fact that the last weeks of his life were very pleasant- I could tell from the pictures that he loved hanging with the pack.
RIP Rin.
Posted by: four legs good | Jan 18, 2008 1:06:51 PM
Hey, you, fella,
I had pretty much the same situation adopting Corky. And pretty much the same guilt and relief and conflict. In the end no creature (except possibly some humans with much tech assistance) can survive immobility for long. When you can't get up and move around and get the old juices flowing, it's time to go. You did what was right, not that that helps. And he was a very sweet boy. The Beasties' doctor says, "The hardest thing about loving animals is, you have to say goodbye to them." You are a terrific Twolegs, and I'll bet your whole Pack - and Rin - think so too. Be well. Booze helps. Hugs.
Posted by: thepoliticalcat | Jan 18, 2008 1:10:32 PM
I hope my final days have as much caring.
You did it exactly right.
Posted by: maryo | Jan 18, 2008 5:54:12 PM
I've been so busy all week, I haven't been able to get to the intertubes, so I just now saw this.
I'm so sorry you had to make this decision. But it prolly was for the best. It doesn't sound like Rin was enjoying life.
You're a good man to have taken on the burden of his care for the time you did. He had a good last few weeks because of you.
He and Saffron are in the Summerlands gossiping about you, y'know.....
Posted by: flory | Jan 18, 2008 10:54:11 PM
Mercy is hard and heart breaking.
Rin Tin had a friend in you. Time is neither here nor there. You gave him a home, love, affection, a full belly, care, a pack to belong to and a helping hand when he needed it.
You were there so he did not die alone. You were there so he is always remembered. You were there to guard his dignity and hold back the suffering.
No, I do not think 10 years would have made a difference. You would not have chosen yourself over his suffering. That is not you.
Posted by: Silver Owl | Jan 19, 2008 1:01:33 AM
What a beautiful, beautiful boy. I'm sorry for you and him. You were lucky to have each other, regardless of the length of time.
I lost my Cleo today after 16 years and it hurts ... alot. It's so damned hard.
At last I am leaving:
in rainless skies, a cool moon…
pure is my heart. -Senseki
Posted by: Sine.Qua.Non | Jan 21, 2008 9:56:25 PM
I read about your Rinnie and thought of this poem by Pablo Neruda. My sister had a dog that passed last year, and this describes Pearl exactly.
A Dog Has Died
My dog has died.
I buried him in the garden
next to a rusted old machine.
Some day I'll join him right there,
but now he's gone with his shaggy coat,
his bad manners and his cold nose,
and I, the materialist, who never believed
in any promised heaven in the sky
for any human being,
I believe in a heaven I'll never enter.
Yes, I believe in a heaven for all dogdom
where my dog waits for my arrival
waving his fan-like tail in friendship.
Ai, I'll not speak of sadness here on earth,
of having lost a companion
who was never servile.
His friendship for me, like that of a porcupine
withholding its authority,
was the friendship of a star, aloof,
with no more intimacy than was called for,
with no exaggerations:
he never climbed all over my clothes
filling me full of his hair or his mange,
he never rubbed up against my knee
like other dogs obsessed with sex.
No, my dog used to gaze at me,
paying me the attention I need,
the attention required
to make a vain person like me understand
that, being a dog, he was wasting time,
but, with those eyes so much purer than mine,
he'd keep on gazing at me
with a look that reserved for me alone
all his sweet and shaggy life,
always near me, never troubling me,
and asking nothing.
Ai, how many times have I envied his tail
as we walked together on the shores of the sea
in the lonely winter of Isla Negra
where the wintering birds filled the sky
and my hairy dog was jumping about
full of the voltage of the sea's movement:
my wandering dog, sniffing away
with his golden tail held high,
face to face with the ocean's spray.
Joyful, joyful, joyful,
as only dogs know how to be happy
with only the autonomy
of their shameless spirit.
There are no good-byes for my dog who has died,
and we don't now and never did lie to each other.
So now he's gone and I buried him,
and that's all there is to it.
Translated, from the Spanish, by Alfred Yankauer
Pablo Neruda
Posted by: captive audience | Jan 23, 2008 2:35:23 PM
So very sorry :-(
Posted by: Kath | Jan 26, 2008 10:39:50 PM
Buy me stuff off my 
