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Friday, March 25, 2005
Going Over Everybody's Head
Terri Schiavo's parents, desperately fighting to miraculously bring their undead daughther back to life and having lost their 3141st ruling in the US court system, today filed an appeal with Pope John Paul II. Most Vatican legal observers say it's unlikely that His Holiness will weigh in on the issue in light of his own failing health.
When asked if that would end their hopes of reinserting a feeding tube into their brain-dead bulimic daughter's empty husk of a body, the Schindlers vowed to go over the Pope's head and ask Jesus Christ Himself to "get the Second Coming rolling to save Terri." Should that fail, they are prepared to take the case to The Ultimate Judge. "We just know that in the end He'll do the right thing."
If G-d were to rule against them, however, the Schindlers' only recourse then would be to forsake their Catholic faith and become followers of Ba'al. "We've already lined up some potential animal sacrifices. We're sure the aroma of burning meat will be most pleasing to Ba'al."
ntodd
[Update: several edits to fix some things that reallllly annoyed me.]
March 25, 2005 | Permalink
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Comments
What, they didn't appeal to the omnipresent, omnipotent NTodd himself?
Posted by: Sallyh | Mar 25, 2005 12:38:57 PM
Ba'al would have enough common sense to kick these philistines out of the temple.
Posted by: watertiger | Mar 25, 2005 1:09:17 PM
Ba'al, a sensible God as we all know, would be sickened by the rot on the Schindlers' burnt offerings and would reject their pleas as cruelty to the helpless.
Posted by: shayera | Mar 25, 2005 2:01:39 PM
Ba'al would only listen to the Schindlers if they had an entertaining softcore tale about how Jesus helped them to overcome masturbation.
Posted by: NYMary | Mar 25, 2005 2:33:43 PM
Seems to be a lack of imagination on the part of the Schindlers. There are plenty of deities out there besides Ba'al. Why not Huitzilopochtli?
Posted by: Linkmeister | Mar 25, 2005 2:35:24 PM
Look, the cavalry's just over the hill! No wait, that's the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypes.
Posted by: FeralLiberal | Mar 25, 2005 2:37:16 PM
Mighty Cthulhu would aid them. Truly, he would destroy their enemies. Of course, he'd destroy everyone, but I doubt the Schindlers really care anymore, as long as someone gets smited good and hard...
Posted by: Scooter | Mar 25, 2005 4:34:49 PM
Sallyh - they know that I am already predisposed to ruling against them, so they didn't even bother sacrificing their daughter as The Temple of NTodd requires.
Posted by: NTodd | Mar 25, 2005 4:39:01 PM
I really truly hope that when Terri finally reaches a peaceful afterlife, her soul will pay a visit to her parents and simply ask them "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING"?
I know that's what I'd do if I were in her shoes.
Posted by: Kath | Mar 25, 2005 9:02:31 PM
Scooter, is it smited or smote? I thought God smote things until the grass was singed and little bits of ash were floating in the air.
I think our American Taliban have forgotten all about love and understanding and forgiveness and have gone directly into the smiting and smoting and smackdowns. They like the wrathful God of the Old Testament and Jesus is no where to be seen.
Posted by: ellroon | Mar 26, 2005 1:29:22 AM
Terry is going to come out of it. She is. She really is. 15 years of being in a vegetive state has made it possible for her to come out of it. Can you believe those parents? Do they really think she's going to come out of it, or are they just enjoying being center of attention. Someone said that Mr should be sitting at his daughter's bedside waiting and saying goodbye. Yes, he should.
Posted by: oldwhitelady | Mar 26, 2005 10:43:29 AM
Buy me stuff off my 
